SP producer Malika Hampton found her perspective on life transformed by her first sex party – but not for the reasons you may think.
What’s a sex party? Why isn’t every party a sex party? For some reason it seems that we need permission to have sex in front of each other and to freely engage in sexual activity.
We’ve all been there. Parties where there were nice cuddles. Parties with raunchy dancing and even nakedness. Parties where people got frisky in the broom cupboard.
But in my life anyway, no parties where people were actually, freely, with one or many others, simply having sex.
I’d been to many Tantra groups and Tantra festivals – and while often there was a group sexual atmosphere, I either didn’t feel able to include myself in it, or it just wasn’t raw enough. I never felt like I got what I wanted from the situation and felt a deep sense of frustration.
I wondered whether this party was going to be like all the other times. When I got there, yes there were many flamboyantly dressed people mingling about, but it all seemed very polite. People shaking hands and chatting in a friendly, but not at all sexual, manner. I giggled to myself at our English conditioning. Was this a sex party or what?!
Some dancing got underway but still no actual sex happening. Then an amazingly talented woman did a hoola hoop striptease act, which was mightly impressive and pretty sexy. When she finished it was like a switch had been flicked. Suddenly everyone started fucking!
I was approached by a gorgeous and confident young man, who was exactly my physical type, almost scarily so, like he’d been created in a lab from all my secret desires and wishes and sent here just for me. He poured compliments on me and then asked if I wanted to go upstairs with him, which I most definitely agreed to and so off we went – the adventure begins!
We began kissing and caressing on a bed in a room with other beds with several other couples doing the same. There was a real atmosphere of strong, free sexual energy, which my partner was certainly in. He poured his sexual energy into me, which was very manly and very powerful. But it seemed he was wanting to get to the finish line before we started. I need time to connect, to get to know, to feel the person I’m with. That wasn’t where he was at. Even though we tried to slow down and get into more connection, we weren’t meeting, our desires were too far apart. Which was a real shame because he was very gorgeous! Even though he had strong sexual energy, I could also feel his vulnerability. His need for holding, for love, for acceptance and for someone to receive him so he could relax and let go. I’ve always found it hard to hold men in this way but something about that night woke me up and grew me up like nothing else. I felt so much love for him and that I would have gone on that journey with him right to the end if he’d wanted to go there. But it wasn’t to be.
We soon parted company but I was deeply moved by the experience. I was also completely off my face with male energy! I wandered, dazed, into the garden, thinking that grounding in nature would help. Eventually I felt I needed to find someone I knew to help me ground and then carry on my adventuring alone. I also felt like a light spanking, and I was sure someone in the kinky dungeon would oblige.
Walking round the dungeon, I still felt dazed, so much so, that when this couple started talking to me, I couldn’t really connect to them at first, it all felt too much. But they were insistent on talking to me, so slowly I came into connection with them and they were really very nice! They were down to earth, funny, had a really mature attitude to sexuality and were very interested in me.
We talked for a long time about how we felt about sexually liberated clubs and parties, I told them how the night had been for me so far and my understanding with my partner, they talked about their experience of swinging (they hadn’t done much and were very particular about it) and most of all we laughed a lot!
Eventually we went upstairs and began to cuddle, touch and kiss. It unfolded more and more as the night went on, in the most gentle, relaxed and blissful way. Everyone around us was in a very strong fuck energy, while we were transported to feelings of oneness and pure silence. It really was a sharing of love, without fear, jealousy or power games. They were the only people at that party I could have had that experience with. And somehow I had allowed it in. I had got exactly what I wanted and needed. And I also got a light spanking at the end of the night…..
I had got exactly what I wanted from a sexually free environment! Yes! At last! I felt a huge surge in self-esteem, I felt so deserving, so worthy, so cherished, so loved – not by anyone in particular but by life, by existence itself, saying, I love you, you’re special, you’re worthy, you deserved to be satisfied and fulfilled and have all your dreams come true.
And it didn’t just relate to sex. Sex was the doorway into it for me – and it is a powerful energy for manifestation after all – but I felt that worthiness extended into all areas of my life: my work, my relationships, my self-care. Suddenly I believed I deserved to be here and get what I want from life.
I realised that I’d spent most of my life feeling worthless because my life (sexual) energy had been repressed and twisted and suppressed. By being in a genuinely sexually free environment, my energy responded and set itself free, and allowed me to let in exactly what I wanted.
That night something in me grew up and showed up. I felt for the first time my inner and outer energies both equally present. Shiva and Shakti were both at the party that night. I was witnessing myself, holding clear boundaries and saying no to anything I didn’t want with clarity and confidence, and I was engaging in and playing with life with energy and light.
And it was so delightful to watch people having sex – something in me celebrated every time I saw people fucking, watching cocks bounce up and down, hearing orgasms go off left, right and centre – the absolute joy of sexuality being embraced and celebrated. There was no one here trying to raise their energy for enlightenment or make sex sacred – but somehow by being so totally sexually open and free, it became sacred, it became a thing of beauty, the joyous expression of being a human being on planet earth.
Embracing fuck energy is just the start of course – from there we can evolve, bring in consciousness, softness, love, sensuality, raise energy and make sexuality a complete and whole being ecstasy – which wasn’t happening at this party. But it was a fucking good place to start.