Join Rupert and a juicy group of adventurers into non-duality, at Smörgåsbord London on 8th and 9th June, where he will be assisting Faerie and Claire to hold the space for transformation and ecstasy……

Rupert, an SP regular and Smörgåsbord space holder, reflects on exactly what it is we do.

In the last couple of years, I’ve discovered a new activity which I’ve found to be deeply transformational, fun, frequently challenging, cathartic, erotic, sacred and ecstatic.

When I mention this in a conversation, people usually want to know more. They ask questions like: “Well, what is it you’re doing, then?”
And that’s where I get stuck.

Because I don’t know how to tell them what I’m doing without giving them the wrong idea, or even putting them off completely. There are all sorts of names and terms for what I’m learning and practising, but none of them accurately describe what I’m experiencing. And worse than that, many of these terms are loaded, and easily trigger people into a negative response before I’ve had chance to explain more. And I don’t want to put them off – I want them to have the opportunity of discovering some of these amazing practices for themselves.

What I’m talking about is often described in words like: “BDSM”, “Kink”, “Play Party”, and “Dungeon”. I’m sure you get the picture. Except you probably don’t, if you haven’t experienced it.

I wouldn’t have come across any of this stuff at all if it hadn’t been presented at a workshop at a Tantra festival (at which it was given yet another name: ‘Dark Eros’). Tantra itself similarly labours under a name which is widely misunderstood, and which can put a lot of people off before they’ve even tried it. (Six hour long sex-sessions with Sting, anyone?). While this difficulty is true of Tantra, it’s even more true of “BDSM” (or whatever we’re going to call this “experience with no name”).

Terms such as “BDSM”, “Sadist”, “Masochist” “Kink”, “Play Party”, and “Dungeon” often reinforce the most common misapprehensions about this practice – perhaps the biggest of which is that it is all about experiencing pain. It’s not. (At least not in my experience.) It’s about consciously exploring that exquisite edge where pain and pleasure meet. And that’s very different. This edge, where ecstasy and surrender happens, is where our everyday dualistic ways of perceiving reality (in this case, seeing pain and pleasure as opposites) can dissolve into non-dual experience.

All the meaningful spiritual practices I have encountered have developed practices for exploring, fusing and potentially transcending our dualistic perceptions of reality, in one way or another. These practices have been created to help us to step out of seeing the world in the dualistic terms of “I’m in here” and “You’re out there” into something less separate and more… well, “nondual”.

Different paths have approached this by encouraging us to explore different pairs of apparent dualities: traditional Tantra does it via the masculine and feminine; yoga through the ‘yoking’ of mind and body. Meditation does it with consciousness and the objects of consciousness, while Taosim works with yin and yang.

Meanwhile, this “experience with no name” which I’ve been enjoying so much, uses two pairs of apparent opposites: pain and pleasure, and domination and submission (I prefer the terms “control” and “surrender” here). Through the exploration of both these dualities, I have journeyed through the less travelled landscapes of my own subconscious, able to shine a light onto the darkness and demons I find there. Through doing this, I have been able to bring aspects of my light and my dark together, to dance on that edge where the two meet, and experience the ecstatic alchemy and healing that can occur in this meeting.

To quote CG Jung, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

Perhaps now it’s becoming clearer why in my opinion, none of the terms commonly used to describe this experience do it justice!

So what to do? I’m now approaching the point in this article where I suppose you’ll be expecting me to put forward some wonderful new alternative word or phrase, which captures all the beauty, depth and liberation of my experience. Well, I’m afraid I’m going to have to disappoint you. The best I’ve been able to come up with so far is: “Ecstatic Loving Consensual Exploration of the Dancing Edge between Pain and Pleasure, and Control and Surrender”.

So. Anyone care to join me for a bit of “ELCEDEPPCS”?!

Love Rupert

Join Rupert for kinky, sexy, deep, transformational fun at Smörgåsbord London on 8th and 9th June.

Catch him in the capital from Tuesday 11th to Sunday 16th June for Ecstatic BDSM Pleasure and Healing, Kinky Training and Personal Growth Coaching.

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Join us for more of the same at Smörgåsbord London on 8th and 9th June

This is great preparation for Faerie’s forthcoming summer visit to the Czech Republic, celebrating 1 year of Ecstatic BDSM in Prague. During this visit he will teach at the Celebration of Life festival from 3-7th July. He’ll be appearing alongside such world-renowned teachers as Mahasatvaa Sarita and Alan Lowen.

Full details of Faerie’s summer visit to the Czech Republic are here >> 

And for a taste of Alan’s incredible Art of Being® work, check out Mystical Tantra in Somerset from 24th-27th May

Co-author of such ground-breaking books as “The Ethical Slut”, Dossie is an expert on using sexual energy for transformation and growth, and we are so very happy to welcome her back to these shores.

The programme so far is:

Tuesday 3rd December: evening talk

Thursday 5th-Sunday 8th December: workshop intensive

Both events will take place in London, more details to follow in the coming weeks………

If you’d like a weekend that offers you a space to discover what opens you in a heartful and sexy space, join us on 27th and 28th April – it’s going to be a good one!

Find out more >>

The day consists of connecting with others and ourselves in our preferred genders, creating safety between us, and utilising ancient and modern sexual practices that help us explore the breath of our sexual selves.

The day includes:

• breathing for better sex
• gender free orgasms
• Conscious touch
• exploration of queer erogenous zones

Come along to explore and expand possibilities for sensuality, sexuality and pleasure in a safe and heart connected environment.

All boundaries respected and differences celebrated.

Suitable for new and more advanced explorers.

To find out more and book your place, email Amanda.

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In this article, SP founder London Faerie reflects on why he moved to Bristol and what he enjoys about living here.

Last Equinox I did a ritual with a group of conscious sexuality practitioners convened by the wonderful Ruby May. For this ritual my intention was to achieve balance: in particular, to find the right balance for me between work, rest and play. With such powerful people holding space for each other the ritual was gentle but deep; and my intention was congruent with where I am in my journey and what I need in my life. As a result the ritual’s effects are still rippling through the fast-moving waters of my life.

My friend and soul guide Avanti says that I need less rest than most people. She says my system is built to do a lot and to be busy. At the time she said this I was burnt-out after 4 glorious months on the road. She reminded me that, although I have a great capacity for activity, I do also need regularly to rest into the silence and stillness so my batteries get recharged.

I am not someone who finds it easy to switch off. Having a couple of days of rest in between 5 or 6 days of work doesn’t work as well for me as having a week on and a week off. I used to envy my ex-wife, who was a nurse, for the long breaks she had between patches of work.

With this in mind I began to make plans for a new type of life. My friend Stephen was in the process of buying a beautiful converted Chapel in Bristol, and I was guaranteed a room there if I wanted it. After the exhilaration of being on the road all summer I loved the idea of having a base but also the chance to travel regularly. With delays in the house purchase it took a few months for this plan to come to fruition; and by Christmas my new life began.

I now divide my time between Bristol, London and Prague. When I’m in Prague and London I’m there to work. During these intense 7-10 day periods I do a session or two a day for a run of 7-10 days. I love this, because once I’m in the zone I want to stay there. I also find that I do my work better when it’s concentrated in this way.

After a work patch I come back to sweet sleepy Bristol. For the first few days I kick back and chill at home, often staying in my pyjamas and doing very little indeed. This extended period of indolence suits me down to the ground.

After 2 or 3 days of lazing and pottering at the Chapel my energy starts coming back and I’m ready to re-engage with the world. At this time I’m super-grateful for the lovely community of people I know in Bristol. As well as being delightfully conscious, my Bristol friends are quite spontaneous and often available at short notice; so I can emerge from my cave and connect with people without much ado.

So far, this has worked beautifully for me: a sweet balance of work, rest, play and travel.

At the same time, I am excited about the possibilities of bringing more Sacred Pleasures to Bristol. The community here feel ripe to take their explorations into new territory, to discover both the more playful and the darker aspects of sexuality and whole-hearted living.

As a result I find myself with an internal tension. For now Bristol is very much the place where I rest and play, and London and Prague are where I work and play. At the same time I am enjoying the slow unfolding of my work in Bristol: my recent Glimpses course at the Chapel was well attended and received excellent feedback:

“Brilliant! Gentle, deep, transformational. Very well held safe space from a man who knows and lives the gifts he offers inside and out. And a wonderful gathering of truly beautiful people.”

“Excellent! Got everything I was looking for and more. I found my dominance, dignity and ability to hold someone while they deeply let go. Also got past a block which has been stopping me from moving forward in relationship my whole life. I feel more in love with my partner than ever. Beautiful, deep and moving experience.”

So I find myself with this exciting “First World Luxury Problem”: how much work do I do in Bristol, and how much do I keep it as a beautiful place of play and repose? If this is all I have to worry about, life could be so much worse.

In a few weeks my teaching partner Claire Black and our friend and SP regular Skorpion drive down from London for Smörgåsbord Bristol. Claire & I co-host this event with our wonderful producer Malika Hampton and our friend Amala Bodhi, and we are really excited about it. (Well to be fair, Claire is a bit nervous, as she explained in her recent blog post – but these kinds of challenges are part of what makes this work exciting and expansive for us.)

What I love about teaching in Bristol is how deeply people here feel everything, and how quickly they get the energetic and spiritual aspects of our work. What I find more challenging is how long it takes people to commit to attending, and how much they let their feelings influence their decisions. Everything here is ‘felt into’ rather than ‘thought about’, and things can change and flow into new shapes very easily. To me it feels like a very ‘yin’ way of operating, which is probably why I find it so easy to rest and relax here.

In my life I often embody the ‘yang’ qualities of being decisive and definite, sometimes more than I actually feel. This is a learned pattern and it’s something I am gently questioning through my interactions with the lovelies of Bristol. Claire has noticed that plans are a little more fluid now, a little more subject to change according to how I feel. For me this is definitely a good thing: I am finding the balance between the clarity of my ‘yang’ and the flow and spontaneity of my ‘yin’, just as I am finding the balance between work, rest and play.

This connects with one of my deeply held beliefs: that we grow the most when we cultivate the things we are missing in ourselves. So for me it’s great to cultivate rest and flexibility, as I’m naturally inclined to work too hard and be over-definite about things.

I hope that by bringing our work to Bristol we can help more and more people to find the balance they need to round themselves out and grow. For some this might be permission to be more naughty and playful, to enjoy the slutty lifestyle they’ve always longed for. For others it might be just the opposite: finding more depth in their connections and not spreading their energy quite so thin. And I definitely feel that in Bristol the ‘yang’ qualities of direction and clarity is welcomed, and would enrich and deepen the power of this beautiful community.

So I hope that you’ll join Claire, Malika, Amala and me for a wonderful weekend of exploration, whole-hearted living, sex-positive community and play. We look forward to sharing this special space with you.

Smörgåsbord Bristol takes place on Sat 27th and Sun 28th April. You can find out more about it here >>